Yet real love has always refused to follow our rules.

In Chapter 5 of my book You Thought You Knew About LIFE... Think Again!, titled “Knowing Love,” I explore what this powerful, personal experience actually is, and why it remains one of life’s great mysteries.

The foundations

To understand love between two people, we first need to consider life’s basics. The fundamental purpose of life is simple: to live it fully and to continue through producing offspring. Everything else is secondary. This is innate, true for all living beings.

The meaning of life is different, more personal and often harder to pin down. Each of us must choose what gives our existence purpose. Many find it in relationships, family, or faith; others in daily living without overthinking it. This search itself can cause real mental unrest, especially in adolescence or times of change.

What love actually is

Love, in the context of a relationship between two people, is a strong emotional pull that attracts and binds. It is not the same as liking, desire, passion, or attachment, though these can accompany it. Love has no clear opposite and often arrives on its own schedule.

Sex is part of many loving relationships because it serves that fundamental drive to reproduce. But sex and love are not the same. The physical act can happen without love, purely for thrill or need, much as we observe in the animal world. Love, when present, simply deepens and elevates the experience.

There are many types of love. Love for a child, parent, home, nation, God, or life itself. Each has its own flavour. The romantic kind between partners often ranks among our highest positive emotions.

How love happens

In this excerpt from my book, is the biggest surprise to many in our control-obsessed age:

“Unlike laughter, or sex, love cannot be made to happen at any time or place. Love can catch people unawares, it is uncontrollable. There appears to be some yet-unknown alchemy or magnetic force that draws two people together. Sometimes the seeds of love exist between two people, but it takes some time for those seeds to flourish. At other times, it appears like an avalanche or tsunami of unexplainable feelings that burst within one, or both, of the participants all at once.”

To create that meeting, so many things must align, across time, generations, and chance encounters. The odds of two specific people meeting and connecting feel astonishing. Is it pure chance? Something more? The answer often depends on our beliefs.

Once begun, love changes. It can mature and deepen with familiarity, or shift, fade, or be revived in memory. Whether it ever ends completely is open to debate. But those who have experienced it, now its reality without doubt.

Love is deeply personal. Each person’s experience is unique and cannot be fully shared or proved to another. This is both its wonder and its challenge.

“Chapter 5 Truths

Love cannot be manipulated; its source remains a mystery.

Life’s purpose is to live and multiply. Life’s meaning is up for the individual to decide.

Sex is not love.”

Why this matters now

Today we have more “tools” than ever to find connection; dating apps, algorithms, profiles, even AI that tells us what we want to hear. Yet many feel exhausted by the process and emptier than before. Fewer are connecting, fewer are marrying and many more are divorcing. We try to engineer what cannot be engineered.

I wrote this book as a short, handbook to life’s big questions to explore core truth in plain language. This chapter on Love doesn’t offer quick fixes or dating advice. It simply points to the truth: love arrives in its own way, often unexpectedly. It reminds us that some of life’s most meaningful experiences resist control, and that’s part of what makes them special.

If you’ve ever been caught off guard by love, or wondered why forcing it doesn’t work, you’re not alone. The search for meaning and connection is deeply human. Sometimes the best approach is to live openly, meet people naturally, and let the alchemy do what it will.

What about you? Has love ever surprised you when you least expected it? Or have you felt the frustration of trying to make it happen on demand? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

The system has strengths, but the frustrations are widespread. Lack of continuity. Rushed visits. Forgotten details. Timetables that control the day and strip away any sense of spontaneity. These pressures affect families, individuals, and care workers alike, especially as social care systems strain under demand.

In my own life with progressive disability, I rely on daily care, and I’ve seen both the good and the difficult sides which I explore in a chapter on caring in my book Happily Disabled:

“How can I be happy when the uncaring, half-asleep agency carer forgets to put detergent in the washing machine so the washing ends up unwashed. Or leaves half-filled urine bags lying around. Or when the carer goes off leaving me with the wrong cutlery and ingredients missing from my dinner… How can there be any happiness when all these types of occurrences continually happen? How can I be happy when there is no continuity of carers… The principal unhappiness is the inflexibility of agency caring… removing much of life’s spontaneity.”

Many readers will recognise versions of these struggles - whether you’re supporting an ageing parent, partner or child whose carers keep changing, waiting for the evening visit yourself, or working as a carer racing between homes. When personal savings run out and care moves to public funding, the constraints tighten further.

Yet something important shifted for me over time. The same rigid structure I once resented turned out to hold an unexpected benefit.

“Initially I was unhappy at having to live my life by an external ‘clock’ but it turned out to be beneficial… orderliness enables happiness – it allows it to flourish. Knowing where I am in a time frame means that the number of choices that have to be made are reduced, which means greater stability and less worry… filling the day in a regulated pattern is a great help to achieving whatever we can do… because at the end of each day there can be a sense of achievement.”

This lesson reaches beyond disability. Many of us - whether dealing with young children, demanding work, chronic conditions, or supporting family - feel overwhelmed by too much unstructured time. A predictable framework can reduce decision fatigue and free up energy for what actually matters.

The relational side matters just as much. Care can feel purely transactional, but small human touches change the temperature of the day.

“There’s plenty that I can give to carers and, in giving, I get happiness… Because I’m happy with and in myself, it spreads to others… Giving carers happiness spins off to increase my happiness – it’s a win-win situation.”

A bit of banter, real thanks, or shared quiet can make the visit better for everyone. Carers have their own lives and stresses. Meeting them with basic respect and positivity doesn’t fix bigger systemic problems, but it makes the daily reality less draining and more mutual.

These realisations sit at the heart of what I explore in the book. Across the chapters I look at mobility, pain, relationships, depression and many other aspects of life with disability - always returning to the same practical truth: happiness isn’t waiting for perfect bodies or perfect care systems. It can be found even in imperfect circumstances.

If care is part of your world right now, or you’re thinking ahead to the future, the small things still matter. Protect whatever structure you can. Offer whatever humanity fits the moment. And remember that acceptance comes from within.

What one small shift in routine or interaction has helped you or someone you care about? I’d love to hear in the comments.

About the Book

What if everything you think you know about existence, love, right and wrong, God, your body - and what it really means to be human - is only part of the picture?

This little pocket handbook cuts through jargon and dogma with sharp, practical wisdom drawn from observation, common sense, and timeless insights. Stuart Rose explores nine key areas - from before life begins to after it ends - inviting you to question the fundamentals with unflinching honesty and come to your own conclusions.

Whether you’re a teenager wrestling with the big questions for the first time or an adult in the middle of an existential wobble, or just looking for a great gift, this concise guide is your no-nonsense companion for seeing life more clearly.

Think again. The truths might surprise you.

ISBN: 978-0-9562112-2-4

Stuart knows that anger well. He has lived with multiple sclerosis for over 4 decades and has seen it many times. Today he is in a wheelchair, his sight is almost gone, his hands have minimal use and carers come three times a day to assist him with his personal care needs. But none of it holds him back. He keeps writing.

In Happily Disabled he sets out to explore the trials and tribulations of finding happiness through chapters on everything from caring and mobility to pain and sex. Showing that happiness is not something that has to wait until the pain, the fatigue, or the limitations ease. This is not about artificial positivity or social media style gloss. It is something deeper, quieter, and already present inside every person – disabled or not – waiting to be chosen.

What makes the book unusual is that it comes from someone who has walked (and wheeled) the hardest miles. Stuart does not offer cheap comfort or miracle cures. He simply explores ways through it all, to the natural happiness that hard times can push into the background. In this interview he talks openly about where the book came from, how happiness and disability can co-exist, and the mysterious creative urge that keeps him writing even when his body refuses to play ball.

Click here to visit Happily Disabled on Amazon

What first sparked the idea to write Happily Disabled and what was the key moment that pushed you to actually put it all down on the page?

The main reason was many years ago I spoke with a lady who just recently found out she had MS, and she was just so angry I wanted to write to people like her.

I can still just about see her in my mind, though I can’t work out who she is or where it was, but it was many years ago. A lot of people are angry about disability. It’s one of the features. That means that there are a lot of people with anxieties about things and they need to learn how to extract from their inner being, their own true happiness.

And secondly, I think that too many people are spending lots of time on social media and I don’t think that’s a happy place or the happiness that one might get from it in a lot of instances is artificial and it’s manipulated. I would like to get back to natural happiness. And so that’s what made me write the book.

Happiness is front and centre in the title and throughout. How do you see happiness co-existing with the realities of living with a condition or disability?

I say in the book that happiness can appear in any person’s life, whether disabled or able bodied. The two are separate. If you were going to define one as impacting the other, then people who didn’t live with a disability would permanently be happy and they’re not.

I’m particularly talking to disabled people; disabled people are ordinary people. They’ve just got a problem which normal people - non-disabled people - don’t have. And so, it’s an extra load on them and so happiness can get pushed to the back or further back in their lives. Happily Disabled explores the difficulties and points out routes to bring happiness more to the fore.

What’s one simple everyday thing that reliably lifts your spirits or brings a sense of normality or joy no matter what a day throws at you?

I write, listen to audio books, the radio, music, enjoy my garden, but those are what I enjoy. I suppose the one thing to bring about happy thoughts, my first thought when you asked your question was prayer. I pray quite a lot, every day. I don’t particularly want to be specific; prayer is very personal. Just connecting with that one place is the source of happiness for me.

Some of the testimonials about the book, the endorsements, highlight the book’s honesty and bravery in addressing some really quite tough subjects, particularly the physical. What made you decide to be so open writing about these experiences?

You’re right: lots of people talk more openly about feelings than the physical side of living with disability. For me, this is just where the writing took me. I have this urge to write, and so I write. I’m disabled – I have intimate knowledge of what it’s like. I don’t feel I have a choice in this; it’s simply the direction my writing has gone. What I say follows the theme of my life, what I know intimately.

You’ve got minimal use of your hands, your sight is almost gone, you’re in a wheelchair, carers come three times a day. Lots of people in that situation might just sit in their chair, put the TV on, or listen to the radio. But you’re driven to keep writing, to keep working. What is it about you that drives that?

There’s a guy who wrote an essay on this subject - the creative urge. It’s a peculiar thing, maybe has parallels in different ways for different people. But I have this urge to keep writing, ‘creating’ is just such a non-specific term. Earlier in my life I wanted to paint - all I did was paint. (Well, the painting was rubbish, of course, but I just wanted to do it.) And sculpt - I made some sculptures.

Then that changed into poetry, quite a lot of poetry, I’ve even published a book of poems. And then, after university I suppose, after getting a PhD, I thought, what will I do with it? I didn’t want to teach. So, what else can I do? I like to write. So I carried on writing, and that just flows on and on. It’s never-ending. It’s like when an artist paints a picture – it’s never quite perfect, you just have to put it down, leave it finished, and move on to whatever’s next.

Is there anything else you would like to say about writing Happily Disabled, about the book itself or about your feelings about getting to this point of publication?

There’s the excitement of publishing and then there’s a dip - nothing more to do. Although as I’ve said, I have many things to do. But it is done now, you just put the idea out there, out into the potential of lots of people’s interest and move on - you can’t do anymore.

Click here to buy Happily Disabled on Amazon

Stuart Rose’s book has hit shelves and is available online and from all good book shops, both as paperback and e-book. If you’re living with disability, supporting someone who is or just curious about finding happiness when life gets hard, get your copy now.

“A powerful lesson in retaining perspective and happiness” — Neuro-Physiotherapist

“Very special … thought provoking … to read when happiness seems a little distant.” — Local Support Worker

About the Book

Can you be happy when your body no longer does what it’s supposed to do?

When every journey begins with a risk assessment and every night ends wondering whether you’ll fall trying to reach the toilet?

Like many people, for years I assumed the answer was no.

Happily Disabled is not a sob-story, nor a handbook of heroic overcoming; just 25 chapters portraying caring, mobility, sex, anxiety, anger, pain, relationships, depression and how the author came to the realisation that happiness doesn’t live in working legs or a steady bladder. It lives inside, waiting patiently for us to stop fighting and start listening.

If you live with disability, care for someone who does, or simply wonder where happiness hides when life gets hard, this book is for you.

• Title : Happily Disabled

• Author: Dr Stuart Rose

• ISBN : 978-0956211217

• Publication Date: 5th February 2026

• Publisher : The Dual Publishers

‘These days there is greater value placed on lived experience of medical conditions. In Happily Disabled we gain the rich voice of Stuart Rose, telling us how he has approached happiness whilst living with Multiple Sclerosis. I imagine his story will help others to focus on the light rather than the tunnel.’

Professor Paul Crawford, author of The Wonders of Doctor Bent.

Readers Reviews

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In this beautiful new collection of poetry, Pictures, Stuart Rose paints vivid scenes with words, crafting a collection of poems that capture the essence of what he’s witnessed - both in the world around him and within the depths of his mind and spirit.

From intimate portraits of human experience to sprawling landscapes of place and memory, and abstract reflections of feelings and self enquiry, each poem is a snapshot of where he stood, physically and spiritually, at the moment of creation.

Some pieces are reflective with a quiet reverence, while others pulse with raw emotion - together, they invite readers to see, feel, and wander through the gallery of a poet’s life.

An Excerpt from ‘Almado Beach’

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Synopsis

Who Are You? Really! is a book about becoming happier. It’s a workbook of very deep self-analysis. It’s not a psychotherapy but broader, more expansive. This book’s whole purpose is for greater well-being and happiness, to reduce or end the miseries which exist in most peoples lives.

This book is a comprehensive spiritual book without dogma, without highfaluting terms, yet one portraying an infinite depth where all may go because all have greatest happiness within.

What’s said is not guesswork, not just another outpouring from someone who ought to know better. What is said is based on ancient, timeless wisdom which has been verified by the experience of the greatest sages that have ever lived and the editor has been guided, and this text authorised by a living exponent of their wisdom.

Excerpt

“We are closest of all to our physical bodies and know them intimately. Yes, we know all the warts and blemishes that we’d rather not mention, thank you! But we know that we are beautiful, too, even if this is difficult to admit to ourselves. Yet it’s surprising just how much our physical bodies influence who we are and how we have structured our present lifestyle. We must now look afresh, with objectivity.

If we can stand in front of a full length mirror, preferably naked (so as to remove our ‘disguises’ or ‘camouflage’), on our own, it is possible to see oneself from a new perspective. Ask ourselves: What makes my body different from anybody else’s body? We all have different sizes in height, width, weight (and, of course, gender and ethnic origin), but isn’t it true that we all have bodies just like this one reflected in the mirror? For example, when I breathe in and out the same thing happens as it does to every breathing being: the chest lifts and drops, and life is maintained. Apart from minor ‘peculiarities’, can we agree that I am just the same physically as everybody else?”

Publisher ‏ : ‎ O-BOOKS

Publication date ‏ : ‎ August 2010

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